


Abu Dhabi 2014

by sweetpeapoppy



Series: Formula One 2014 [20]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-27 10:54:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2690198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetpeapoppy/pseuds/sweetpeapoppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last race of the season and there's still so much to decide</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before

“Mama?”

“Esteban! My son!”

He allowed himself to be hugged tightly by his mother, he soaked up her warmth and reassurance as she comforted him. He was tired, so tired of pretending with everyone that he gave up holding back his emotions and began to cry on her shoulder.

“Shh, shh, my beautiful boy, you have faced tougher things than this.” She rubbed his back to get him to calm down, his breathing was all over the place and he carried on he would probably pass out. “Este, Este, shh now.”

It would take a little while longer until Esteban felt steady on his feet again, enough to move out of the entrance to his childhood home. It felt like he hadn’t moved on my from here, all he ever wanted was to become a Formula One driver, but it felt like he had woken up, the dream was over, and even though Nico was being sweet, long distance would never work.

“What is this new sadness?”

“Nothing.” Rubbing the back of his hands over his eyes to clear away the fresh tears Esteban tried to think of an excuse. But nothing other than the truth came to mind.

“I know my son, Esteban do not insult me.” She clucked. “Is it something to do with your heart?” She wasn’t exactly sure how to tackle the situation.

“Mama.” He sighed, exasperated.

“Why don’t you tell me?”

“Because I don’t think you’ll like to hear it.” Esteban breathed out.

“And why is that?” She asked as she wandered through to the kitchen to make the both a drink.

“It’s...I don’t think you’ll accept it.” Releasing a shaky breath Esteban wished he had invited Nico along with him, his support would make it all so much easier. Digging his phone out he turned it on and was bombarded with text after text from Nico, all of them saying the same thing, that he loved him. Scrolling through and reading each one he hadn’t noticed his mother come back to the lounge with a cool drink in each hand.

I’m coming to you x

Esteban grinned so widely she knew that whatever he was reading was good, but not to do with his career, there was warmth beyond that, it was all heart. “Who is that, they have you smiling so wonderfully.”

“Is Nico. Hulkenberg.”

“Your team mate from last year.” She remembered. “Is good he makes you happy.”

“He does, a lot. Mama, I want to tell you something, but I need you to stay calm, and not shout at me.”

“You haven’t done something bad, wrong?”

“Depends.”

“Esteban you must tell me now.”

“But I don’t want to disappoint you.” He whispered before downing the rest of his drink.

“Esteban, you could never disappoint me.” She reassured.

Taking a moment to think on how much he wanted to be holding NIco’s hand through this he paused to imagine his strength. How he would support him, and definitely would protect him if things went wrong. “What would you think if I told you that there is a reason that I haven’t brought a girlfriend home?”

“Some people aren’t interested in having a relationship, that’s okay Esteban.”

To say he was shocked was an understatement, how did his mother know about such things? “I know, but I do want a relationship, in fact I am in one, a loving one.” He chewed on the inside of his mouth to curb the smile, but it stopped working the moment he saw Nico jogging up the garden path, through the large windows overlooking the neat landscape leaving a taxi behind.

“Then what is there to worry about?” She turned towards the door that was being knocked on.

“Wait mama.” He made her stay as he went to the front door, he opened it quickly and dragged him inside. “What are you doing here?” Esteban hissed with a huge grin.

“You, I came for you.” Stroking through the loose strands of Esteban’s hair, he tried to tuck them behind his ear but they fell back. “You look happier.”

“I am.” He took the small back in Nico’s hand and put it aside to hug him. “I’m about to tell mama about us.” He sighed. “I need to.”

“Do you want me here for that?”

“More than anything.” Quickly pecking Nico’s check, he dragged him back into the lounge. “Mama, you remember Nico?”

“Oh, um, hello Nico, nice to see you again.”

“Hello Mrs Gutierrez.” He greeted her, feeling awkward about his timing. But he had to see Esteban.

“I must say it is a bit of a shock.”

“I can explain.” Esteban started, gesturing for Nico to sit beside him. “I was telling you that I was in love.”

“You were.” She replied cautiously.

He stumbled for the right words, to get exactly how important Nico was to him, but feeling his body heat reminded him he had that security. “I...we…”

The adoring look Nico was channeling at Esteban told her everything, it was pure. But she was letting her son tell her before she uttered a word.

“I’ve never brought a girl home because I prefer men.”

“Oh right, okay, that’s fine.” She was forced to hide the smirk, she had figured it out years ago. Esteban never got nervous around girls which made him very popular with them, boys on the other hand got him flustered.

“Huh?”

“Well, what do you want me to say? I don’t mind, and I don’t think your father will be either.” She prepped him a while ago to give him time to adjust.

Nico watched the confusion play across Esteban’s face, it was wonderful to see it because of the acceptance he got that he wasn’t expecting. His own parents were still coming around to the idea of them being together, slowly but surely.

“Oh, well, then I should introduce Nico again, as my partner.”

“That I do know. It hard to hide love.” She watched the relief travel through both of them swiftly. “I guess you are staying with us for a while Nico?” She smiled.

“If that is okay, I don’t want to put you out.”

“I’m sure Esteban won’t mind sharing.” Chuckling she allowed them some space to settle down. “Let me get you a drink Nico.”

“Your mum is cool.” Cupping Esteban’s face he gazed at him for a few moments to truly see him. “Don’t ever run from me again, you can’t leave a note and then expect me to be fine when you don’t answer your phone.”

“Sorry.”

“Alright, it’s okay now.” Dipping forward he kissed Esteban softly, loving the feel of his lips on his own. “Stop running.”

“Promise.” He sighed. “Promise.”

\---

His chaperones were waiting for him at the hotel, it had all been planned to the absolutely minute, practically to the second, so when he stepped out of the hotel he wasn’t remotely surprised to be whisked off into a car that was parked outside. Nor was he surprised when he got a run through of his schedule for when he arrived at the track, it was all done to give an air of it being an impulse, spur of the moment decision. But it wasn’t, not at all. It was all calculated so Fernando could get to Bahrain. His rental in Dubai was working out well, he had gotten it specifically so he could steal Mark away and they could take the opportunity to hide away and be selfish with their time.

In his head he was going to play it cool, he would shake his hand, allow themselves to be photographed and carry on, but it was hard, too hard to resist. The minute he saw Mark wandering through the paddock he made a conscious but covert effort to cross his path. He hadn’t told Mark that he was coming and he saw the mixture of confusion and surprise in his eyes as they crinkled into a smile.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He breathed in Fernando's ear as they embraced warmly.

“Oh, thought I’d have a look around.” He replied breezily because their hug would become something else if he told the truth. “See what the fuss is about.”

“There’s plenty of fuss, it’ll all be about you now of course.” Mark chuckled as they let go of each other reluctantly.

“No, it’ll all be about you when you win.”

He didn’t bother to hide the grin, because hearing him support him in the open, and in public gave them an air of out, and recognised as a couple. “Here’s hoping buddy.” There was a strong desire to kiss him, just take him in his arms and show off. But it was impossible. “You got to get on?” Flicking his gaze around he saw all the people waiting to move Fernando on.

“Si, but I’ll be back later to see you. Maybe when you are not racing.”

He understood what he a subtly hinting at. “Uh huh, I’ll text you when I’m free.” And the first moment he had he sent the text hoping Fernando was still around, he didn’t expect him to stick around for the full six hours. So when he got a reply that he was on his way Mark was instantly glad he opted to have a quick shower.

A knock was all it took for Fernando to gain access, and once he was inside Mark’s personal room he locked the door. “Missed you.” He breathed before looping his arms around his waist to ask for a hug, which he got and it felt so good to have his warmth surrounding him.

Pressing a kiss to the top of his head Mark closed his eyes and allowed himself a few moments away from the intensity he needed to race. “Looking forward to the off season mate.”

“Me too.” Tucking himself tightly into Mark’s embrace he sighed contently. “Can’t wait to get back to see the dogs, but maybe not the weather.” He could feel Mark laughing and hear it in his chest.

“I’m sure we could escape somewhere for a bit.”

“Um…”

“Got an idea?” Mark pulled his head back, but he felt Fernando cling on tighter.

“Noosa?” He whispered.

Mark beamed. “That’s fine with me buddy, you just want an excuse to wander around naked and drive me mad, don’t you?” Their last trip involved Fernando spending hours at a time forgetting to wear clothes, being so secluded afforded them the opportunity to just be.

“No.” He chuckled as he reluctantly stepped out of his arms. “Maybe yes, but is only chance we get.”

“I know.” He replied sadly. “But at least we get them, huh?”

“Si, now is time for you to go win the race.” Up on his tip toes he kissed the tip of Mark’s nose gently. “I will see you in Dubai?”

“Of course, need somewhere to lay my head between here and that car park.” He sniggered.

Fernando handed him a key just in case with a poke to the ribs. “I still have to drive it.” He pouted in good humour.

“Yeah, last race for Ferrari.” Mark kissed his temple tenderly.

“It could have been our last race.” It had hurt when Mark turned the offer down, but finding out Ferrari had messed him about just added yet another thing to the list that made him want to leave the team.

“Ah, let’s not go there. We wouldn’t have been happy.” It didn’t factor into the decision but it was a positive outcome of staying with Red Bull for another year. “And I don’t want to think about that.”

“Okay.” Fernando huffed as he eventually relented. “Would have been good to see you in red though, would have made the silly sponsor stuff better.”

“We would have been found out for sure.” Mark smirked. “All that time together, we would have been caught, _red handed_.”

Fernando batted his arm playfully as he groaned at the bad pun. “Si, very hard to resist.” The temptation to do increasingly bad things to Mark built within, but he knew a repeat performance of Le Mans was out of the question.

“Okay, you need to sort this out though.” Mark stroked through Fernando’s beard, before gently tugging on it. “It needs some tidying up, not to say I don’t like the caveman look on you.” He quickly kissed him. “It suits you.”

“Hmm, maybe I shave it off then.” He replied, faking the annoyance in his voice.

“No!” Mark yelped, the noise he produced shocking him and making Fernando’s eyes widen. “No, please don’t do that.” He brought himself under control. “It’s a turn on.” Mark admitted lowly.

“I will remember that.” Fernando grinned cheekily, already having a photo in mind that he’d tweet to everyone, but only with Mark in mind. “So I will leave you to win the race then.”

“Cheers buddy.” Letting Fernando leave first he gave himself a couple of minutes to gather himself up again and pull his focus back to the race track. They were in a good enough position to win it, great even, an even though Fernando wasn’t here to watch it, he knew he’d be keeping up with his progress online.

\---

He wished he had some sort of inkling as to what was going to happen to him, both Ron and Eric had remained ridiculously silent on the situation, just asking for an endless stream of patience whilst his career hung in the balance. They said it wasn’t going to be based on points, but Jenson had scored more than him, seen the stewards less, and had the backing of the rest of the grid, as well as the media. His fans were drowned out by Jenson’s. Denmark was silenced by the rest of the world.

His family was right behind him, and so were his friends. But he wanted another voice backing him up, he wanted someone to speak from love, not quote statistics and results, a feeling, just love. But he knew he wasn’t going to find that easily, his only chance was starting a family and looking elsewhere would involve espionage. He was fighting for a seat, the added complication of his sexuality was the last thing he needed to throw into the mix.

But he had no option but to get on with the race as he, Kevin Magnussen, never went down without a fight.

\---

Thinking back he realised that he never got to enjoy it all, when he was in the middle of it being subjective was impossible, there wasn’t a way to be. And watching Nico and Lewis go about their business he wondered he looked the same, intense, focused, nervous all rolled into one. It was all in Lewis’ hands, and it was easily to support him publically, but Nico had to know he was thinking about him too, but the press weren’t too interested in what he had to say on the title fight, they were all on him about next year. And he genuinely didn’t know.

Jenson did think about Kevin in all of this, only one season in and he was fight tooth and nail for another chance he really should have. But he wanted it just as much, all the time he had been at McLaren he had beaten each and every one of his team mates, that spoke volumes of his talent, but Jenson wasn’t a fool, one eye was also on his age. 

Two little numbers that apparently were worth discussing that meant absolutely nothing. They didn’t speak of his desire to continue no matter how many times he mentioned it, nor did they provide evidence to how well he’d adapted to the new rules, his consistency or love of the sport. They also failed to show the strength it took to get through the season without his greatest supporter beside him.

No, instead they would sit in a room and make the decision, taking all of the heart out of it to decide if the blood, sweat and tears he had gladly offered to McLaren were worth another contract. Maybe Mark had it right.

I’m going out on my own terms mate, head held high, it’s my time to go.

Maybe he had it wrong.

\---

“It’s my last race with Red Bull.”

The statement hung in the air between them for a while, only the sounds of their breaths were transmitted over the miles. But Heikki knew that he was going to have to be the one to break the silence. “I’ve had one of those recently.”

Sebastian smiled at the joke. “Yeah, but you’re still with them.” He reminded them gently. “That doesn’t count.”

“But I’ve had a last race with someone that means a lot to me.”

The retort died on Sebastian’s tongue, and he was grateful it did because what Heikki said was amazing. It touched him. “That’s true, fifteen years though Heikki, it’s going to so weird this weekend.”

“Yeah, it will be, but you have to remind yourself of the little boy sat in your bedroom all those years ago, dreaming of wearing Ferrari red.”

Trust Heikki to make everything right Sebastian thought, it put back to last year when everything went right for him. It made him grateful for their relationship. “Kiitos.”

“Anytime Seb.” He could hear the smile return to his voice, the excitement they shared when he revealed where he would be going, the dream finally coming true. “You deserve this, they’ve been desperate to sign you.”

He felt the hope bubble up inside of his heart. “You know Kimi is going to propose…”

\---

Pole position was his...he could do it. He had done absolutely everything he could have to get the win he needed. He had to win, he knew he could, he was talented enough, practice hadn't been perfect but he'd pulled it together for qualifying. He did it when it mattered. Now he was going to do it again.

\---

There wasn't a part of him that wasn't believing in himself. He was going to be a double world champion. The words he said years ago haunted him, saying his career would be a waste if he only had one title to his name, but he was about to set the right. Nico had no chance, he was going to beat him off the line and then drive it like he stole it all the way to the finish line.


	2. After

It wasn’t right from the start, the moment he pulled away he sensed something was amiss. But he ignored it, he had to, he had to win this race, and despite all the doubters he knew he could beat Lewis. He could if the car cooperated, if. That was his sole thought as he begged the team to help keep the car going, he could reset anything, they just had to tell him what to do and he would do it. He would do anything.

He managed to ignore it until he got halfway through, he couldn’t stop the car running wide under braking, and that was when he had to broadcast it over the radio. Lewis would find out, everyone would and there would be no end of people happy with his misfortune.

“I’m losing power.” Three words he didn’t want to say when a championship was so damn close to him.

He did his best to manage the car, dragging it around lap after lap trying to turn the dials the right numbers of clicks to get the right effect. But his brakes were feeling the strain. Then there was unscheduled pit stop, everything was slipping away from him, but he wasn’t going to give up, if he was going to lose, he was going to reach the end. He was going to see the chequered flag if he had the push the damn car to the line himself.

“So Nico box, box, box. Too many problems with the car."

Tony’s voice crackled through over the radio and Nico felt the burn of tears in the back of his throat, that wasn’t how he was going to go out. His best season in Formula One wasn’t going to end early, he wasn’t going to retire.

“I would like to go to the end.” He mustered all the strength in his voice to ask that of the team, if it was too dangerous he would return to the pits. But if there was a slim chance of him making it, he wasn’t letting anyone take it away from him.

So he was relieved when he got the all clear from Tony, but not completely, because Lewis was going to lap him, he wasn’t going to get all the laps he deserved. But he was going to finish. He was going to finish.

“So sorry about that. Could have been different without the problems.”

 _Tell me about it._ “Can I do doughnuts?” He wanted to celebrate for the team, but wasn’t surprised by the response that it would be a safety thing if he did, he was just relieved to make it.

“Hi Nico it’s Paddy. Sorry it didn’t work out today. Very sorry about that. But you drove like a champion all year. We’ll come back next year and have another go.”

“No problem. It wouldn’t have made a difference today anyway. Thank you for this year, it’s been amazing. And congratulations to Lewis for a fantastic year, well-deserved win.” It was, to be petty and deny it would be churlish. Lewis drove better for more of the year, but he knew he could make another go of it next season. This wasn’t his one and only shot. No way.

But it didn’t stop him feeling disappointed when he got out of the car, walking over to his team he greeted them with his visor down, needing a few moments to gather himself. Tony was telling him how proud he was, how well he drove with all the problems that he had to deal with, and that next year everything was reset to zero. As Nico walked away to leave Lewis to soak up the hard earned adulation he realised that it was set to zero now, there was no point in despairing when he couldn’t do anything else to change the result.

So that was why he decided to make a visit to the podium room, he had to make his peace before the celebrations started, Nico didn’t know if he was even allowed to go in. But he walked in without issue, just a couple of confused faces when he went straight to Lewis.

“Hey.” Nico broke the ice.

“Hey.”

Lewis cupped his neck with a hand and Nico was transported back instantly to their karting days, the moments after they wrestled where Lewis would break.

“I heard what happened with the car, that sucks man, you deserved better.”

He held onto his shoulder, keeping the connection there as he gave him the praise he warranted. “You deserve this Lew, all of it.”

“Thanks man.”

It was short and sweet but it was enough to help start drawing the line underneath it all, he had testing to get his head around before starting the celebrations with the team for their complete and utter dominance. They deserved the opportunity to bask in the glory.

\---

He had done it. He had done it!

With Nico’s problems he was waiting for the same to hit his car, but it didn’t, his car was perfection personified. All year it responded to his wishes, the mechanical issues weren’t great to experience but it proved he had the mental ability to overcome the obstacles in his way. No one could doubt him now.

There was a mild panic when he heard about Nico’s problems, because if it could happen to one car it could happen to two, and he couldn’t bring himself to think of that. So when the car got hot he didn’t do anything other than report it to the pit wall, and with their reassurance he continued on without giving it another thought. 

When Felipe began to close in he didn’t give it a second thought because he was going to cross the line first, he had nerves before the race, but not now. It was his. He was going to win with a win. It was the only way to do it.

But when it did it was all a blur, he vaguely remembered Bono talking to him, then Jock, then it was definitely Paddy because suddenly he was talking to Prince Harry. His mind was spinning. Especially when he got permission from him to do doughnuts, it was dreamlike. He was a double world champion.

And then, after he thought it couldn’t get any better, he was asked to got to ‘driver default 44’ by Bono, the image that flashed up was of him in a kart, waving his flag. He was a double world champion! Bringing himself back to the pits on autopilot he tried to take in as much as he could from the crowds, the car quiet enough so he could pick up the cheers from the crowd, the Union flag filling the grandstands no matter which one he was looking at.

It filled his heart with pride as he got out of the car to celebrate he roared, for himself, the teams and the fans. He was at peace with himself for the first time this season, all apart from Nico. He hoped they weren’t about to go down the same route as Mark and Sebastian, it was never as bad as the press made out, but  
they had never been friends. He wanted to be friends with Nico, they had gone through far too much.

“Hey.”

He saw Nico come into the room quietly, no fuss, and wearing a gracious smile. “Hey.” He wanted Nico to know things were good between them, so raising his hand he held his neck gently as the shared a brief interaction 

“I heard what happened with the car, that sucks man, you deserved better.” And he did, it was have been infinity more satisfying to beat him on merit rather than mechanical advantage, but they were going to get another chance next year.

“You deserve this Lew, all of it.”

He could tell it was genuine, his eyes like usual giving him away. “Thanks man.” After a quick word with Toto Nico was gone, classy and graceful as always. And so all that remained was the podium and hearing his anthem played out across the racetrack was one thing, but hearing the crowds sing along brought a lump to his throat. He had done it!

-

“I just need a minute.” Lewis called out as he headed back to the motorhome, he needed to gather his thoughts before facing the huge bank of photographers waiting for him. Just a chance to take a full breath.

“Nico?”

“Oh, hey.” He turned to see the space he thought he had to himself being filled by Lewis. Nico had kept slipping in between boxes and trucks until a perfect pocket of space to stand in, there wasn’t a great deal of space but it was quiet.

“Sorry, I was looking for a place to breathe.”

Nico grinned. “Great minds think alike.” He shifted across to give Lewis somewhere to stand, right next to him, shoulder to shoulder.

“They do.” Sighing heavily he closed his eyes and rested his head against the side of a truck, and within moments he felt the weight of Nico’s head on his shoulder, his own quickly rested against his.

“I knew you’d race clean.” Nico whispered.

“Yeah, you were being a bit cheeky, Jense had a bit of a giggle over it.” His brother had sent him the link of the clip where Jenson’s eyes had widened dramatically.

Lewis found his hand curling around Nico’s without too much thought going into it, and it didn’t take long for him to respond, squeezing his hand back before peeling his body off the truck they were leaning against. Smoothly Nico moved to press himself against Lewis, bringing their bodies together received no resistance and arms were wrapped around the defeated man.

"You are a great driver." Lewis whispered into the night air. All he got in return was a wobbly breath before lips were brushing together, feathery little kisses, hesitant and searching. But it didn’t take long for Lewis to respond, reassuring Nico that it was all going to be fine between them with a passionate kiss, every single emotion he was feeling poured out of him. Grabbing hold of Nico he spun him around to press him into the metal siding of the truck, scrunching his hands into his race suit he pinned him in place.

“Such a good driver Nico.” Nico moaned into his mouth as his began to unzip himself free, tugging the catch down he revealed the exact same set of Nomex fireproofs, and this was when Lewis jumped in. Taking a wrist in each hand and raised them above his head to stop him from going any further.

“You’re better, you’re the champion.” Nico breathed out. “You’re the world champion.” He had to say it out loud to get it into his own head.

It stopped Lewis in his tracks to hear it from Nico, in his voice, so purely spoken. No malice, almost warmly, just a statement of fact. Releasing Nico gently he brought his hands around to cup his face, rubbing the pad of his thumb over his full bottom lip, as it parted he heard the tiniest whimper, beckoning him in for another kiss.

They fell into it deeply, but as they moved to take a breath, or change position Nico moaned out.

“Most fastest laps.” He tugged on Lewis’ bottom lip softly.

“Eleven wins.” Nico brought their bodies flush together.

“Champion.” Rolling his hips Nico felt Lewis grind back eagerly, it didn’t take long before any lingering caution that remained was forgotten and they desperately pawed at each other. Seeking out comfort and gratification to celebrate or forget, but only from each other, the year long needling put into the past once and for all. 

“Double world champion.” Nico groaned into Lewis’ ear as a stripe of friction whipped through them, their crotches straining against the confines of their race suits. But Nico knew what he wanted, yanking on Lewis’ zip he shoved his hand down to cup his hard crotch, using his palm he stroked him until his was burying his head into his neck. “Formula One world champion.” Came the moan. “Lewis Hamilton.”

Lewis squeezed his eyes shut as Nico chanted his name over and over, the swell of desire in his abdomen swooped lower and lower until the brush of delicate fingers around his head left him panting, and begging for release. And when he got it he barely registered that it was only Nico that was keeping him on his feet as the sheer and unadulterated pleasure took over his being. “Oh, Nico.” His quick attempts to pull himself together were a struggle but the sounds of the paddock helped bring him around. “Nico.” He murmured, wanting to return the favour he tried to repeat the same action, but was blocked immediately.

“No, it’s your night.” His kissed his cheek briefly.

“You made my title a fight, you made it worth more.” He tried again, but Nico blocked his advances.

“I don’t deserve it.” Nico mumbled. “But you’re happy, right?”

“Yeah.” He exhaled loudly. “This is better than the first time.” Lewis felt like he fought for this the entire year, he won it on merit rather than a position.

“Good.” Kissing his temple, Nico angled his hips away as he hugged him tightly. “You deserve it all.” As they pulled apart he could see the hint of the offer on Lewis’ lips but Nico shook his head. “Go, go enjoy yourself, see your family. Go.” He grinned as he shooed him off.

“Cool, see you in a bit for the photo.” Lewis hesitated for a moment, Nico was clearly still hard but his family was desperate to see him.

“Of course.” Nico smiled softly as he watched Lewis nimbly escape back into the paddock, his legs a little wobbly. But as soon as he was gone Nico hurriedly got himself off, hand over his fireproofs he stroked his cock to a quick climax, thumping his head against the truck he breathed out with relief. The year was finally over.

\---

“So?”

“So, what?”

“What the hell was that on track?”

Jean-Eric didn’t want to have that conversation in a hotel room in Abu Dhabi. In an ideal world he wouldn’t ever want to have that conversation but it was going to have to happen at some point, and as he looked at Dan he realised that now was as good as any time.

“Racing.”

“Well, yeah, but it was a bit robust wasn’t it?” His fear was that it would damage his chances of staying. “What about Helmut?”

“You saying I shouldn’t have raced hard to try and keep my seat?” Jean-Eric raised an eyebrow sharply.

“Of course not, but you have to stay, you have to try anything!” Dan heard his voice go shrill, Jean-Eric was looking too calm.

“I have been trying Dan, all fucking year long, all of last year. It doesn’t matter if I beat all of my teammates, clearly I’m not Red Bull material, and as I’ve found out I am definitely not good enough for Formula One.” He rushed out, and despite the severity of the situation he never raised his voice.

“What?”

“Carlos got the seat, apparently Franz wanted me, but Helmut want’s young drivers.” He shrugged.

“You’re twenty fucking four!”

“Dan, it’s okay, I’ll be fine.” He assured with a smile. “Of course I’m pissed off, but it wasn’t going to go on forever was it?”

“Jev!”

“What?”

“You don’t have a seat in F1?”

“No.” Shaking his head he took Dan’s hand in his, but it was quickly yanked back.

“How are you so calm, don’t you care?!” Pacing up and down the room he tried his best to keep his voice down but he was losing Jean-Eric.

“Of course I do.” Getting off of the sofa he stopped Dan’s increasingly erratic movements. “Hey, Dan, please. Mon amor.” The moment Dan stopped he wrapped himself around Jean-Eric, and he could feel the desperation in his grip, hands scrunched tightly into his shirt. “Dan.”

“You can’t leave. You can’t leave me.”

Jean-Eric buried his nose into Dan’s hair and breathed him in deeply. “I’m not leaving you. How could I ever leave you?”

“I did.” With his face still hidden he bit down on his lip hard.

“Only because the pressure Marko put on you, he’s not a factor in either of our lives now.” Jean-Eric soothed, nuzzling into the errant pile of curls on Dan’s head. “He can’t do that again.”

“Sorry.”

“It made us stronger Dan, I’m not going to thank him, but it made us realise how much we need each other.” He was so glad Dan couldn’t see his face, because his future plans could do what Marko failed to.

“So what…” Dan took a breath to compose himself. “What happens now?” Standing up properly he rested his hands on Jean-Eric’s waist, he was still too thin. “What’s wrong?” Jean-Eric’s forehead was creased.

“Indycar.” He breathed into the small space between them.

“That’s America.” Dan choked out. “Why nothing in Europe?”

“There’s nothing for me there, it’s just...I’ve been trying and Indy’s my only shot at single seater racing. That’s what I love. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Dan kissed the tip of Jean-Eric’s nose as he eyes slowly closed. “I’m just sad we don’t get to race together.” He kissed along his cheekbone. “Should be you right next to me.” Kissing his forehead he felt Jean-Eric fall into him. “Only you.”

He couldn’t hold it all back even though he had been asked to. “There might be an opportunity at Williams for a test drive.” Dan hugged with such force he stumbled. “Is only a chance, nothing concrete.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Dan bit back a sob. “Can’t lose you.” His voice dropped to husky whisper to hide his emotions.

“You won’t.” He held on tightly to do his best to prove to Dan it was true. “I have something for you.” Untangling himself he went to his suitcase to take out a small pouch he had secreted away after he had been told.

“Jev.”

“Is not something big.” Slipping it into his palm he closed his fingers around it and wondered if it was too much. “But I want you to know that no matter what happens my love for you grows more each day. It never stops.”

Swallowing the lump in his throat Dan looked down at Jean-Eric’s open hand.

“You do not have to wear it, but maybe keep it around when I am not at the track to keep you on your toes.” He offered a gentle smile with the hope that it would be reciprocated. “Is carbon fibre.” He tapped the woven strands that made up the main part of the bracelet. “Because we fell in love over it, we love the things that are made from it, then we fell in love with the people that race inside.” Undoing the silver clasp he fixed it around Dan’s wrist, already held out to accept it. “Underneath is the first date we met.” That was the first part of the fastener. “On top is when...is when we said that we love each other.”

“Oh Jev.” Dan sighed. “It’s…”

“Too much?”

“No! No, it’s pretty amazing, where did you find it?” He spun it around his wrist, the dull sheen of the plaited carbon fibre strands making his heart skip a beat because of Jean-Eric’s words.

“I had it made for you. It’s from our first Toro Rosso.”

Dan’s mouth dropped open. “What?” He squeaked.

“I got in contact with one of the guys in the factory, I asked them for a bit of the car and they posted it to me. One imaginative jewelry maker later and voilà.” He traced along Dan’s pulse point, pressing his thumb in just enough to feel his heart rate quicken.

“You’re...I…” Dan was speechless. “It’s…”

“Us.” Jean-Eric finished with a passionate kiss, it encompassed them both until they were panting. “Us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be an off-season part to wrap the year up!


End file.
